It's been nearly a year since I ended my 90 day blogging challenge to find my dream job and I can't shake this anxious feeling. I thought once I stopped forcing myself to write everyday about the job hunt I'd feel less stressed and free to finally write a book and articles for publication, but the exact opposite happened.
Instead of diving in and taking advantage of the extra free time I have while being unemployed I avoided writing over and over again. So many times I've done this that it's nearly 365 days later. It's not as if I avoided writing all together. I started two chapters of a book, but then dropped it. I worked on the re-launch of my website, but 'didn't have enough time' (until today!) to write the inaugural post. Every day throughout this time of doing other things however I kept feeling pangs that I should be writing.
Since the time I signed off on my 90 day blogging challenge I have done plenty of big things that could warrant such a delay. I got married, continued in the job hunt (but we won't go there in this post)...oh, and moved across the country to Phoenix, AZ with my husband, Dan.
These life events are huge, but the Universe knows I'm just using them as excuses to not do what it seems it wants me to do. I sit down at the computer and work on emails and think about writing. I take long walks with Dan through beautiful Phoenician neighborhoods and think about different blog posts I could write. I lay in bed in the early morning and think, 'Today is a brand new day. You know you're most productive in the morning. Write this morning', but in a flash I find myself occupied with other tasks. And another day passes me by...
Yet one of the many things I realized about myself while doing this put-your-life-on-the-internet blogging thing was that I truly enjoy writing. The activity is one of the few that keeps me deeply concentrated and in a flow state. When I write, I find myself gaining new perspectives and even new wisdom. I've written it before and I'll repeat it here: writing helps me make sense of the world. I highly value it ever since it helped me through a major trauma in my life, but there's just one drawback. Writing, for me, is incredibly challenging.
I think what the Universe is trying to tell me, however, is that despite its difficulty I need to write. Its my prescribed life activity that promotes the most self growth. Life for me just gets better when I do. I feel more alive, engaged and connected with people. Sometimes I can take a long time to respond to an exhortation, but I'm grateful I finally responded to the Universe today.
I'm back, baby!